Motherhood moves you and it changes you. It changes your sleep, your schedule, your priorities, your relationships with other people, and even your relationship with yourself.

Becoming a Mom

When we found out we were expecting our first baby in 2022, I was so excited and a little nervous so of course, I dove headfirst into learning and preparing to ease my anxiety. I researched what to eat during pregnancy (and what not to eat), followed prenatal workouts (HIGHLY recommend MamasteFit for pre-natal and postpartum exercise programs), learned about Spinning Babies, took birth classes, and wrote the perfect birth plan. I was almost too prepared or at least I thought I was.

What I wasn’t prepared for was going almost two weeks past my due date and slowly watching the birth plan I had envisioned go out the window. 

My plan was an intervention-free, unmedicated hospital birth. Instead, I was induced, something I was hoping to avoid, and then found myself moving through what many call the cascade of interventions. 20+ plus hours of labor later, minutes away from being taken back to the operating room for a C-section, my son finally made his entrance into the world.

I was incredibly grateful I did not have to go to the OR and that he had arrived safely, but I also came away with some trauma I never fully processed until years later. Instead, like many moms out there, I jumped right into mom-mode shortly after he was born. 

Looking back, I wish I had given myself permission to grieve the birth I hoped for while still soaking up all those sweet newborn snuggles. 

Before I continue, if your birth didn’t go the way you imagined, I want you to know you’re not alone. I have so much compassion for you and would jump through the screen and hug you if I could. Some may consider, “a healthy baby and a healthy mom” a successful outcome, and I agree, but a healthy mom includes her mental health too. If you’re carrying birth trauma from months or even years ago, please find someone to talk to instead of carrying it alone.

Surviving Before Thriving

The newborn season was a beautiful blur and also really hard. There were breastfeeding challenges, tongue ties, lip ties, cheek ties (I had never even heard of those before), sleepless nights, diaper blowouts, and this feeling deep down wondering “would I ever feel like me again?”

Little by little, though, we found our groove and I was starting to figure out the mom-life. Then, just as life began to feel manageable, my maternity leave ended.

I returned to a job I truly loved while learning how to juggle full-time work, daycare, sick days, pumping, household responsibilities, and everything else that comes with being a working mom.

It took me nearly a full year after having my first son before I felt physically, emotionally, and mentally like myself again. So if you are in the thick of postpartum right now, please give yourself grace.

Then Everything Changed Again

Just over two years later, we welcomed our second son. This pregnancy and birth felt completely different, less anxiety, more confidence, I was also chasing a toddler around so the time moved much faster. I experienced the unmedicated birth I had hoped for the first time around at a local birth center and it was healing in so many ways. Breastfeeding came more naturally, my recovery was so much better, and watching my oldest fall in love with his baby brother was the best. Just days into being postpartum the second time around, I remember thinking, wow…I am LOVING this season. Then my maternity leave ended.

If you’ve read my story before, you know I returned to that job I loved…and gave my notice just one week later. Suddenly I wasn’t navigating life as a working mom anymore, I was becoming a stay-at-home mom, a title I never thought I would have. So here we are again, another season, another major identity shift. 

What Motherhood Has Taught Me

I started this post off by saying, “motherhood moves you and it changes you.” One of the greatest lessons motherhood has taught me is it doesn’t just change you once, it changes you over and over again. In just a few short years I’ve been a first-time mom, a working mom, a mom of one, a mom of two, and now a stay-at-home mom. In a couple weeks from now, I will add soccer mom and school mom to the list and eventually empty-nester mom, I can’t even think about that right now. So when moms say they’ve “lost themselves,” in motherhood, I don’t actually think most of us are trying to go find the woman we were before we had kids, or at least I am not. We might just be longing to be seen, for someone to think about our needs, to revisit an old hobby, to have time to ourselves without feeling “mom guilt,” and to not always feel like we need to announce when we are going to shower or use the restroom only to have an audience follow us there anyway. 

So here are a few questions to ask yourself…

• Outside of being a mom, what brings you joy?
• What makes you feel the most like yourself?
• What have you stopped doing because life became busy?
• When was the last time you tried something for the first time?

Final Thoughts 

Motherhood is a long game. It isn’t a sprint, it’s the marathon of a lifetime. With the different seasons of motherhood comes growth and change. Our brains change (hello, mom brain), our bodies change (hello, mom jeans), our schedules change, and our priorities change, and deep down, you are still you.

Maybe finding yourself again after motherhood isn’t about going back to the “old you” maybe it’s about getting to know the woman you’ve become.

Take a couple of minutes to reflect on your answers to the questions above. Remind yourself that your needs matter too. Every season, every identity shift isn’t a sign we’re lost, rather a sign we are growing, evolving, and becoming the woman motherhood is shaping us to be.

With Gratitude,
Angie
Moved by Motherhood