I almost didn’t write this post, but if you’ve scrolled Instagram lately, or any social media platform for that matter you’ve probably seen and maybe even followed accounts that are speaking out about what happened at Cornell University back in 2024. The allegations from an incident that took place inside a fraternity house have resurfaced through a civil lawsuit, and the criminal investigation has since been reopened.

What this woman has described is absolutely heartbreaking and disturbing on so many levels. And as a woman myself and a boy mom, I’ve found myself thinking a lot about the kind of men I want my boys to become.

My boys are currently 1 and 3, but someday they will be 18 and 20. And I am not going to wait until they’re about to leave our home to start talking about body safety, bodily autonomy, consent, boundaries, and respect for others.

I believe God blessed me with boys so that I could raise up the next generation of thoughtful, kind, respectful men. Men who respect women. Men who take no for an answer the first time. Men who notice when someone is feeling uncomfortable. Men who step up when something doesn’t feel right. Men who speak out when something feels wrong. Men who make the people around them feel safe.

Here are five things I’m already practicing with my 3-year-old:

1. Notice and Care for Those Around You

I often talk with my son about looking out for the people around him. Remember he is 3-years old so what this looks like now is, if he sees a friend at school who is by themselves, crying, or seems upset, I encourage him to go check on them. Maybe that looks like walking over and asking, “Are you okay?” or “Would you like to play with me?”

Recently, I picked my son up from preschool and his teacher said to me, “I need to give you some praise!” There is a student in our class who is very quiet, keeps to himself, and hardly says a word. She told me that my son had befriended him. He goes over, checks on him, and asks him to play.

The boy’s mom even reached out to the teacher to share that her son had been talking all about his new best friend at school, my son.

That made my mama heart so happy! It was a full-circle moment, looking out for others is something we have been talking about since the beginning of the school year and it was clicking with him. I don’t just want my boys to notice what’s happening around them and not doing anything about it. I want them to notice and take action.

2. Respect “No” and Respect Bodily Autonomy

We don’t force our children to give physical affection, even to family. If they don’t want to hug Aunt Sally, they don’t have to. If my son wants to hug a friend and she says no, I can coach him through that moment:

“Annie said no to the hug. You can offer her a high five or wave goodbye.”

We also practice this with his little brother. If they’re wrestling and his brother starts fussing, we tell him he needs to stop and give him space right away. His brother is only one and doesn’t yet have the words to say “stop,” so he may communicate that something isn’t okay by fussing or pulling away.

We’re teaching my 3-year-old to pay attention to those signs and respond by stopping right away.

The takeaway lesson here being, someone doesn’t have to say the word “no” or “stop” for us to recognize that they’re uncomfortable.

3. Respect Other People’s Bodies and Boundaries

We’re also teaching our children your body belongs to you, and other people’s bodies belong to them. If my 3-year-old tries to touch his brother’s private parts during bath time, I don’t shame him or make him feel like he’s a bad kid. I simply state the boundary and hold him to it:

“I won’t let you touch his penis. That is his private area. I’m going to move you out of the bath tub to keep everyone safe. We will try bath time again tomorrow.”

I am teaching him that other people’s bodies have boundaries and we need to respect those boundaries.

4. Model the Behavior We Want to See

Our kids are watching us all the time. If a child falls down, we help them up. If someone needs help, we help them! If someone is walking out the door behind us, we stop and hold the door for them. If someone says no, we respect their no. If we make a mistake, we can repair.

If my children see me checking on someone who is upset, offering help, or respecting someone else’s boundaries, they’re learning that this is simply how we treat people. The same goes for my husband. He is a true gentleman, and that was one of the first things I noticed about him when we met. I instantly felt safe in his presence, and that is how I want the people around my boys to feel, too.

We can’t just tell our children what to do, we have to model the behaviors we want them to see and show them.

5. Speak Up and Step Up When Something Isn’t Right

This is one I know will become more important as my boys get older. I want them to know that being a good friend doesn’t mean going along with the crowd. If they see someone being picked on, they can speak up even if that upsets their friends or is “uncool”. If they see someone who looks uncomfortable or unsafe, they can check on them or get an adult.

If someone asks them to keep a secret that makes them uncomfortable or gives them an “icky” feeling, I want them to know they can always come tell Mommy or Daddy.

I want my boys to have the courage to say, “That’s not okay or I won’t let you do that” because that is the language they heard growing up when they did something that was overstepping a boundary.

These Lessons Start Now

My boys are still so little. We are talking about hugs, wrestling, taking turns with toys, noticing when a friend is sad, and keeping our hands to ourselves. But underneath all of those seemingly innocent moments are much bigger lessons about consent, boundaries, empathy, respect, and taking responsibility for our actions.

I said this in the beginning, I truly believe God gifted me boys to raise up to be the men who respect women, who listen when someone says no, to notice when others feel uncomfortable, to speak up, to make those around them feel safe, and we don’t have to wait to start having these conversations. There are also many age-appropriate children’s books out there as well we can read to our kids to help teach these skills.

I was hesitant to write this post, but I also didn’t feel like staying silent when so many others are speaking out was the right choice either. I don’t have all the answers, and I’m sure there are more things I could be doing that didn’t make it into this post. I’m learning in real time, just like so many of you, and sharing what is working in our home.

As always, I’m cheering you on, and I hope that something in my story encourages you in yours.

With Gratitude,

Angie

Moved by Motherhood